Helmet Reflections and Table Dynamics

Helmet
Reflections and Table Dynamics

Friday I had to work in El Centro and it is 110 miles from my home. I drive my Goldwing motorcycle and once I put my helmet on, my thoughts always seem to get stuck on one subject. For the first 30 miles, I was thinking about the ease in which the format at the Table unfolded. None of us sat down to construct anything clever. The format just seemed to evolve from our desire to give Jesus access into the reality of our daily life experience.

The Table progression from one segment to the next is far too simple to be the result of a strategic planning meeting. Worship unto Him; gifts of gratitude; sacrifices on the Table; affirmation of what we experienced as friends presented their gifts; and a final seal with benediction, blessing or song.

But during the last 80 miles on Friday, my helmet was full of thoughts about the dynamics that have been set in motion by the simple guidelines instituted to make the Table a safe place. Here are the guidelines and some helmet reflections:

1. There is no requirement to speak at the Table. All sharing is voluntary.

This first guideline is based on the “Willing” Spirit Jesus brought to Calvary’s Cross, the Table of Sacrifice. He was not pushed, prodded, forced, or manipulated. He gave Himself freely when His hour had come… Any coercion or manipulation at the Table moves us away from the voluntary Spirit that is to preside over the offering of gifts and sacrifices. Many people find it best to simply come and sit with others at the Table for a season, until they are ready to begin offering themselves freely, and willingly, unto the Lord. The Table is not a place where performance is needed to secure approval; it is rather a place where acceptance is received and offerings of gifts and sacrifices, lifted.

2. Take personal responsibility by Caring for yourself at the Table. Do not share beyond the level of trust that has been established between you and your friends at the Table.

Taking personal responsibility for ourselves and for what we share at the Table is a valuable spiritual discipline. The Table, sitting in the midst of the Temple, (Circle of Supportive Friends) is a place where people often share something of the struggles and challenge presently facing them in their lives. This level of sharing often makes us vulnerable, but the vulnerability is not to be ignored or to be projected onto someone else. The beauty of the Table is that it is an eternal Table that goes with us wherever we move. The very worst case scenario is that if I do not feel safe offering my gifts and sacrifices unto the Lord, in the presence of others at a particular Table, I can give everything in my heart of hearts to Jesus when I am driving home from the meeting in my car. The Table of sacrifice and surrender goes with us.

What I share, and how I share it, is important. The depth of sharing will change on the basis of the quality of relationships established with people at the Table; the gender mix at the Table; (If there is one) or even the grace carried by people sitting around the Table. But, this does not mean that if I am at a Table that includes members of the opposite sex, or a person who knows my in-laws, or even a person who listens shallow, that I will not benefit from a more general description of the gifts and sacrifices I offer
up to the Lord.

I have been in each kind of circle mentioned above. I am grateful for the Tables that have a handful of people that know me at the core, but I have also been enriched by the offerings that have been more general in their description. The curative factor is that we are giving what is in our hearts to Jesus. Doing it with wisdom and care is each person’s individual
responsibility.

Assessing the strength of relational bonds, sensing the levels of trust established at a particular Table, and presenting our offerings accordingly, is a spiritual discipline that will benefit us in many aspects of our life.  

3. As friends around the Table we commit ourselves to covering one another in love and not discussing sacrifices placed on the Table with anyone.

The medical and mental health disciplines take great care to protect the confidentiality of their patients and clients. Multiplied volumes of works have been written about Law and Ethics. In 1996 Congress instituted HIPPA Laws to protect the rights of people sharing vulnerable information.

As we continue to live together at the Table we will talk out loud with one another about sensitive issues, as they arise. It is important to each of us that the Table is a safe place.

But for now we commit ourselves to loving one another well at the Table. I Corinthians 13:5-7 (NIV) serves as our guide: “Love does not dishonor others…. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” LOVE COVERS…

Honoring the gifts and sacrifices placed on the Table, makes the Table a more sacred and holy meeting place.

4. At the Table we refrain from giving advice, teachings or direction to others.

I grew up in a wonderful church family that had many strengths. We were taught how to pray until we broke through, we were given permission to go beyond the cognitive and meet God at an emotional level, and we were taught to believe in a God who could do the impossible.

But there was one thing we did not do well;  Handle silence . Whenever someone said something awkward, personal or intimate, it was time for a shout, a song, a prophetic word, or a recap of what was just said in a more comfortable manner… And God forbid, something was said that represented too much humanity, weakness, or intimacy. In such cases, only well timed humor could ease the pain and discomfort for the rest of us.

In our time at the Table, I have been amazed at the shift that has come in our relating to one another through this simple guideline. For some, it takes about two segments to understand that they can share their joys, sorrows and challenges without fear of setting off an avalanche of advice, admonition, teaching, direction or “That reminds me of…” When this guideline is honored at the Table it is felt by all who have come to bring their gifts… And the best gift we have given to each other by honoring this guideline is that the first voice we hear after offering our gifts and sacrifices, is no longer one anothers…

For others, this simple guideline brings resistance. Even though the resistance is not usually discussed at the Table, when someone is holding it, all the participants at the Table feel it.

I think the resistance can be present for a couple of different reasons. First, this guideline intentionally makes this a different format. Most of us are not used to a Christian format that limits crosstalk. (Please understand, I am not saying that crosstalk is a bad thing. Thankfully, we have many contexts in which we can present our dilemmas and receive wise counsel and learn from the experience of others.) But here, at the Sacred Table, at this place where people come to present their gifts and sacrifices to the Lord in the presence of supportive friends; advise, counsel, teaching, direction and “Piggy backing” (That reminds me of…) is akin to throwing cold water on a newly growing fire.

Respecting this guideline at the Table changes the focus. When I am at the Table I am not thinking of what I am going to say in response to the person offering sacrifices to Jesus. I don’t have to bring my insightful brilliance to bear. Consequently, I can listen more intently. I don’t have to fix it. We are trusting Jesus to open a fountain of grace on behalf of the offerer. In the silence which follows the sacrifice, the presenter knows intuitively that we are with them; even when a word is not spoken. It is the Ministry of resence. Our presence and the Holy Spirit’s presence.

As a side note, I have found that not discharging the offering by throwing my insightful brilliance at it, has increased my intercession a hundred fold. The Lord will often bring the circumstances of people at the Table to me throughout the week and there is a focused passion to join Jesus in intercession for them.

Secondly, some resistance may come from the purpose of the Table. The very nature of the Table is that EACH PERSON IS TO BRING THEIR OWN “GIFTS AND SACRIFICES to present to the Lord. The Table buries a sword into heart of the Doctrine of the Nicolaitan’s which is despised by God. (Rev. 2:14-16) (Nico means Power or control; Laitos means the people. The doctrine is when people use God’s name and words to control others.)

The Table has a way of bringing each of us to the place of dependency on the grace and provision of God. When I come to the Table it is not to bring my wisdom, it is to ask the Lord to search me, and see if there is some “stuff” that needs to be laid at His feet. The content of what we bring may be different, but the need to die to some things is the same for all of us.

Again, I don’t want this to come across as cynicism. I find little value in spending time piling on other religious systems or formats, but my experience has been that in many of our Christian forms we have settled into a kind of spiritual class system. The ones bringing their sacrifices are often the “Needy and the dependent.” The offering of sacrifices can only be heard from a few. The danger of this is that our relating to one another in Christian circles can splinter into the dynamics represented by the Strong and the Weak. The unspoken code often seems to be that there is a mature person who is the keeper of the knowledge of what God wants; and a dependent person who is looking to the more knowledgeable mature person to provide them with insight and understanding that is hidden from their view, and only possessed by the Strong.

I do acknowledge that there are different stages of spiritual development in our lives. (I John 2:12-14) Mentors, teachers and spiritual mothers and fathers are of great value for those who are young in the faith. But, my experience is that this Strong and Weak dynamic can carry a disease that results in a dysfunctional way of relating.  The disease is manifests when “Only the dependent share their stuff.” “Only the weak reveal their places of struggle.” “Only the weak reflect upon their spiritual impoverishment.”  The Strong are swept into a stream where they focus primarily on how to be stronger in order to help the weak.

But poverty of spirit and recognition of our own need is still the entrance into the Kingdom of God. (Matthew 5:3) When we lose our awareness of this we disconnect with humility which is the only door that opens to grace.